The year has gone by so quickly in some ways, and slowly in others. So much has changed in my life, and the VSO adventure has been every bit as amazing as I thought it would be.
It has been challenging though, in ways I didn't imagine. Before I came I thought some of the biggest hurdles would be the social aspects that come with starting a new life in a new and unfamiliar country. It's true that there has been a lot to learn, but culturally and socially I think I have slotted in fairly well. My language skills are improving - I need to make an effort to speak more Wolof and practice more, but I understand it pretty well now. I have reached the point where I 'hear' it - that is, I can pick out nearly all of what is being said without consciously thinking about it. Sometimes I tune into conversations and reply (in English) and then realise my colleagues were speaking in Wolof not English, and I have followed what was being said without noticing. Or someone will ask a question in the office and I will respond in Wolof without meaning to - it's like it just spills out my mouth without thinking. But I do need to speak more Wolof - I'm kind of stuck at the greetings and ordering things stage... I can say what I need to say pretty well, but I need to take it up a level to in order to speak conversational Wolof.
I understand the way of life here a little bit more now; I see the difficulties and the challenges, as well as the joy and the happiness, and I can walk around feeling safe and confident in a world that is familiar to me.
Before I came I didn't think that much about the professional side of things. When I look back I can see that I have achieved things. Lots of things. Both for the Programme Office, the project, and for myself. I have led a whole year's Annual Partnership Review process, designed monitoring systems, written case studies, chaired workshops and training sessions, reviewed manuals, written and delivered presentations for the British High Commission and our project partners, and worked with loads of different people. And I have helped to induct two cohorts of new volunteers, bringing new monitoring and evaluation systems to them as well as to the project that I am working on, as well as showing them around The Gambia and helping them to settle.
But it hasn't been easy. I worry that I do too much work / service delivery and not enough showing/training/developing other people to make my time here sustainable. I don't always know what people want or expect of me, and I don't always know if I am taking the right approach. Sometimes I feel the weight of being 'the expert' or 'the specialist' as my job title grandly states, and I miss having a team of people doing similar things that I can bounce ideas off. But just as being 'the expert' is challenging, at other times I can feel overlooked, which is just as bad. I'm 'just a volunteer' and sometimes made to feel like cheap labour, which I find difficult. When I read blogs by other VSO volunteers before I came here they used to bemoan the lack of warning and notice that was given before a big piece of work, and I too find that I am asked to do things right at the last minute, giving that sensation of fire fighting and rushing that can leave me feeling a bit dissatisfied.
However, I definitely think that the benefits outweigh the negatives, and the challenges just make life that bit more interesting. I think the biggest benefit has been personal; I can see that as a person I have really changed and developed. Coming here a year ago felt like a chance to just be me. I didn't have to fit with how people saw me, and do what people expected of me, because nobody knew me. I could do what I wanted without people thinking 'well that's not very Nat like' and I found that really liberating. I had to do things for myself, speak up for myself, and manage. And while I have never been totally shy and backwards about doing things for myself, I think sometimes it's easy to sit back and rely on your friends and family around you, and being here has given me a chance to wake myself up a bit. I feel more confident now - and that frustration of being asked to do things last minute has been a blessing as well as a pain, because now I know that I can just get on with it, and do and deliver with confidence. Without being too cheesy, I think I have learned a lot about myself in the past year, and I feel confident and strong and happy.
And as the year anniversary rolls round, it's time to say goodbye to Rob. He leaves tonight and last night we had a farewell meal at Mama's restaurant. He had a great turnout, which shows his popularity among all of us - he's an easy going chap who gets along with all of the volunteers, and I really will miss him.
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